I don’t know what to tell you. I’ve just been down this past week. What the heck is wrong with me? I have zero motivation to do anything. Usually, I can’t wait to get home, especially on the weekends, and just spend all of Friday night and Saturday day writing or working on my Web site (made some minor adjustments in that regard, by the way), but not this week. Instead, I blew off my writing partner — I had a legitimate reason of course — and stayed in to finish Mallrats. Not the best movie in the world, though it has its charms. It’s the movie you were thinking of at the end of every conversation where you said, “This needs to be in a movie!” Unfortunately, when the entire movie is just a bunch of semi-interesting conversations strung together for no apparent reason by a razor-thin plot, you’re left with only a mildly entertaining film. That last sentence will probably make it into my review, whenever I get around to it.

I did make a run to Starbucks later that evening, so I guess that counts as going out. The high school kids there were particularly friendly and one of them offered me a “Chuck Norris,” which was his own special concoction. It promised to be a kick in the mouth. His words, not mine. I’m not exactly sure how it’s made or what’s in it, but it did have a pretty neat hot and cold effect. The top layer was warm with a cold under-layer that made me imagine I was drinking something with someone’s loogie hocked in it. The drink was on the house, so I couldn’t complain. Anyway, I see a bright bartending future for this barista.

So today was also spent indoors, basically doing nothing. I don’t really feel inspired right now. It’s not that I don’t have creative or career goal oriented things to do, because I have plenty. I just got the green light to write the bio for Carrie Graber’s art book, which I’ll be working on in a little bit after I finish this. I also have to write up a DVD review of Tarantino’s Hell Ride. If nothing else, I could just be blogging more, but I’m not. I’m not doing any of these things right now and I don’t know why. It used to be that this was all I could think about when I got home from work. Heck, it was all I could think about while I was working! For some reason, I’ve lost some steam.

I bought some cigarettes and cloves to re-inspire me, which must mean I’m really desperate since I try not to smoke on my own, mainly because it interferes with my workouts. Who knew that you needed your lungs during bench presses? Anyway, cigarettes have always been good to me when it comes to the writing process. Not only do its chemical effects soothe me, but the physical act of smoking helps focus me. For one, it takes me outside and away from most distractions. It’s just me and the cigarette. Moreover, the cigarette lasts just long enough to give me a break without completely refocusing my attention on something else.

But just to let you know what kind of a crap day today was, my allergies were in full force and any smoker will tell you that smoking with a runny/stuffy nose just sucks.

  1. Hi, Rene

    If I had my own blog I would copy and paste what you wrote about how you felt this past week, for I feel the exact same way… I am still trying to figure out the reason I feel down, without motivation, waiting for every weekend to come and feeling almost completely uninspired. Sometimes I think work and who I work for is the reason and because my life it’s not where I could like it to be. As you know my work environment is not what you would consider normal or pleasant and the guy I report to could be such an asshole sometimes! It took me supernatural effort not to lose my cool and tell this guy to fuck off this week. This almost happened after he made a comment past 7pm Wednesday night that made me realize that because of his personal problems we all have to work late or force to work weekends and bear his problems as well. His comment was, “lucky for you and everyone else in this department I have all the time in the world to work as late as I want to because I don’t want to go home”. I would write more about that and other bizarre things he did and said yet, I don’t know if he reads your blogs and I prefer to have a pleasant week instead. Anyhow, hope your weekend turned out all right and you enjoyed your expensive cigarettes. Have a great week!

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